i want to surround myself in cashmere.

i feel lost and alone.

i want to be home.

and on that note i wish i could explain to you how much felix cutillo means to me. (read: one of the best dj's in the world)

oh and the wicked soundtrack made me ball like a baby today. one of four times i practically balled. number two would be talking to my grandmother about the house in wisconson. (which is not in the will for my mother and as such will never belong to me, problem: soul is in door county) three would be when i talked about cambodia and then my grandmother offered to fly me there again. last would be hearing about the pope, i watched the news in awe and terror and relief and cryed.

so life should be great for the most part, and yet i feel so empty.

maybe it has to do with the idea that the world is coming to something. who knows what, but something for sure. the pope's death today (may he rest in peace) sparked something in me. i think i realized that people like him, who fight so valiantly for peace are few and far between. his death made me realize how much closer the dalai lama is to passing on. once he is gone there is not another one to follow in his stead, and this breaks me apart. who knew that the death of a man who i spent so much of my life being frustrated with would gather up so much emotion and angst within me.

oh! and i am looking forward to kissing you again...indeed i am.