unhinged

in regards to 'for the record'

maybe i do want to like someone...love someone...be with someone...etc...but maybe its just not the people i think i want to be with.

and that deserves and OH FUCK from the crowd.

to replay this summer in my head is a rather confusing proposition. but it looks something like this.

i built four sets
helped make five or so costumes
assistant stage managed a full-scale equity production
kissed some beautiful people
successfully discovered my soul
attemped to self-actualize myself
discovered why my brain works the way it does
successfully cut some of the strong ties with some ex-relationships of mine
lost weight on my cigarettes and coffee diet
became addicted to coffee
learned to love again
learned to love myself again (the most important)
found some self-confidence
broke some habits
gained some new habits
discovered a huge missing piece in the 'me' puzzle
treated someone i cared about unfairly
learned more about my grandmother
watched my other grandmother fade away
had a roommate without homocide occuring
gained connections with really important people
got offered a job for next summer
and so much more.......yeah, this summer was huge

on another unrelated note...

the past few days have been a blur. i feel unhinged in a huge way. last night i stayed up all night talking to this really amazing person and really just talking. i felt really comfortable with this person i had never met. i felt real, alive, and almost normal. we learned we had grown up in rossmoor together, only about a mile away from each other...if that. we also did a few things together as kids, not in any way that meant we were friends, but we sure were in passing. its two boat syndrome indeed.

it was amazing the way that our minds clicked, we chock it up to our awesome education from elementary school. unhinged why, you might ask? explanation, is that i feel like all I am missing is one piece to my overall puzzle for me right in this moment. and that my friends explains a lot of where I am right now.