excuse me for a minute...

while i catch my breath.

i had a bit of a breakdown last night. and by a bit of a breakdown i mean i sat on the lawn just crying.

winding down from this summer is proving much more difficult than i thought it would be. it goes something like this....

i was in a really awful place when i started this job. and now i am back to my almost normal self. and i think for the first time i am actually pulling myself together and enjoying where i am in life. and where i am is not a bad place.

i have accepted and or realized the following things this summer. 1) the fact that i am a restless soul has no bearing on my worth as a human. 2) theater folk make me insane, but for some reason i love it. 3) working hard feels good, hardly working does not feel good. 4) i like school. i tolerate smith. and i can't wait for it to start up again. 5) i do NOT have to be friends with my coworkers. but i can be if i want. 6) i am not ready to be in an emotionally draining relationship, and honestly, they should be avoided until i return. 7) i love my major, i love my family, and i love my life. 8) college does not insure loads of good friends. but rather huge slews of mediocre ones, with a few amazing ones in the mix. read: one or two. 9) my best friends are scattered across the globe, a product of my restless self.

and after all of these sorts of sudden realizations i am rather content. and i can't wait for the summer to depart so that i can return to the world of smith, without the drama of internships and intern crap.