i woke up this morning, put on my clothes after a much needed shower and walked outside. my face into the sun. and i breathed fresh air, or at least what felt fresh to me. for the first time, in a long time. it was air that was strong, potent, and simply magical. i walked into work with my head held high, the job that i will have put nearly 1000 hours into in these mere 11 weeks. with only one show left to put up, two sets to strike, and two days off left to go i am feeling like i can do anything.

monday i will clean and nearly pack my room. and back up the data on my computer to ship it off to apple land. a week of dress rehearsals, tech, and performances followed by a MUCH needed three days in New York City. promises there include a trip to il firenze, which is a paper store. and beautiful. and then my mother comes and we take off west to wisconsin, after the one last week of performances. we arrive by the 12th in Door County, where I will walk along granite cliffs and listen to waves.

home i go on the 17th for some visiting with friends. the 23rd i head back to door county, a new person, no longer a teenager. (20th birtday is seemingly weird so far) and then i go back to smith on the 27th....pre-o starts on the 29th. september 1 i am going to take my ass camping somewhere...alone. or maybe somewhere else...alone. but nonetheless those will be my days alone. kerstin will arrive sometime around the same time i will...which means one of the best people in the world with now be available again to drink chai and cry with. classes start the 7th or the 8th of september...i don't remember.

so far i am excited to return to classes, to return to what i know best. and i just have to remember to keep my head clear and look forward to what lies ahead of me. whole new worlds await.

my roommate commented on my music choices recently...saying that he was sad to see me leave my 'angry' music that he had grown accustomed to me listening to. i smiled and took my ipod up off my stereo system and walked out into the world smiling. i don't think i had smiled like that for a really long time...give or take a few times this summer.

nonetheless, i am nearly debt free (what a relief) and about to start on a whole new adventure. one that i have been waiting a long time for. and despite the 100 percent humidity i feel like i can take in the air without strain. and by god, its a good fucking feeling.

tonight i will put my tennis shoes on my weary feet and run. run with nowhere to go, for the third time this week.