life catching up with you?

i guess i am growing up. growing up in a way i never thought possible. i no longer have desires to be at parties where there are large amounts of people or copious amounts of alcohol, it all seems to be past me. there continues to be no problems with the way other people engage themselves, but for me....i am so beyond over it.

i'm watching my senior friends slowly come to the realization that this is it. the end is nigh. iminent even. but for me it comes as a surprise that i am not graduating. for some reason i feel like i should be. like my two years of college have amounted to enough servitude that i should be given my diploma. i know i have a lot to learn, and i am only half-way there, but i just want to be finished. i want to see things beyond my cozy campus, and beyond anything i have seen before.

so here i sit, in my plush suite, surrounded by things and people i love and all i can think is, i want out. and i do. i feel so trapped. like i have wings waiting to explode and take me everywhere i have dreamed. for too long i have seen visions of far away places like shadows of memory, and yet they are places i have never seen. panning visions of the himalayas....sky lines of new cities...villages in africa...towns in europe....

and yet i sit back and realize i am only half-way there. but in the meantime i need to learn to cherish the nights where i can escape into my friends rooms and get a good hug, followed by chocolate milkshakes that we whipped up out of nowhere. because really these are good times. i just don't want these years to be the best years of my life. i want the best years of my life to arrive over time and cover a varied expanse of time/space.

i'm just going to sit back and relax a bit. and realize that i don't have to love college, i don't have to party, i don't have to do anything but graduate with grades that potentially get me into graduate school. and from there life begins anew. oh those days I am dying for.