sometimes

we get lost. we lose our footing. and we look for someone to help us get our feet back underneath us. sometimes the people that actually can do that for us, are surprising people to say the least.

i think i have been leading my life a bit wrong. following down the wrong paths. hoping that on those paths that i will find a bit of the peace i am looking for. peace is within, i have to remind myself.

so what is this post about? its about everything. its about nothing. and its about starting anew...with a fresh perspective. i have long dreamed of being an executive of some great big firm where i can stake my claim and be a "partner" with my own little slice of a few million dollars. prada, ferrari, fendi, etc all being a part of my vocabulary. but then i thought about it for a long while. what kind of life is that really? what am I doing to make my heart beat faster? how will this be making me happy?

what really matters in life? does money? i know money can't buy happiness but can happiness buy money? what am i supposed to be doing!!!!??? this thing inside of me is growing. i feel as though someone has pulled a lose thread on my shoulder and is now walking away. watching me walk away. and as i go, i am slowly unravelling. exposing my tender center. exposing everything to the world. and in this process i think i may have realized that all the trees i have barked up in the past five years...have been all wrong. that dumb ass dog sense of mine may have thought they contained squirels or bears or whatever else things dogs bark at up trees, but i think i am sorely mistaken.

i need to find peace within myself. a sense of whole within my own consciousness. and that my friends starts today.