Countdown is winding down (Edit)

Fourty-Three Pages of Papers left to write (Down from Fifty Four)
(Completed) One 20 Minute Presentation
FIVE Days of Classes
(Tech for one of them begins this week!) Two more Shows
Four weeks until I am home
(Started)Two rooms to pack up for a whole year (gulp)

BRING IT ON!

the good news...of it all

yesterday was an awful day for the first half. but then again, the day ended incredibly well.

everything is falling into place. i'm busy. i don't really mind that i am taking 24 credits, working 20 hours a week with tay, and stage managing two shows. in fact, i like it. busy is good. busy keeps me focused. centered. content. being busy keeps me off campus. it keeps me out of the drama of it all. honestly, this is a fantastic thing.

this summer i am going home. home to where i belong. where mountains seem to skim the sky. and my sense of direction is only put in context by these very mountains. back to waterskiiing. back to my families. all of them. my best friends, my neighbors, my parents, my uncle.

i spoke with a guy from cambodia yesterday. the man who runs the school that i visited two years ago. and i am going back folks. back to cambodia. back to my love, my other home. i will be there for nearly a year. then i will promptly return in order to graduate in the fall of 2007. one semester left....only one.

after that, who knows. but my grandmother said she would pay for any grad program...even my MFA in dance. maybe that will be a dumb decision--to get an MFA. but i will never know until i try.

so life is in place. it all falls into place....and i have a great Significant Other at the moment. and i am happy.

sometimes

we get lost. we lose our footing. and we look for someone to help us get our feet back underneath us. sometimes the people that actually can do that for us, are surprising people to say the least.

i think i have been leading my life a bit wrong. following down the wrong paths. hoping that on those paths that i will find a bit of the peace i am looking for. peace is within, i have to remind myself.

so what is this post about? its about everything. its about nothing. and its about starting anew...with a fresh perspective. i have long dreamed of being an executive of some great big firm where i can stake my claim and be a "partner" with my own little slice of a few million dollars. prada, ferrari, fendi, etc all being a part of my vocabulary. but then i thought about it for a long while. what kind of life is that really? what am I doing to make my heart beat faster? how will this be making me happy?

what really matters in life? does money? i know money can't buy happiness but can happiness buy money? what am i supposed to be doing!!!!??? this thing inside of me is growing. i feel as though someone has pulled a lose thread on my shoulder and is now walking away. watching me walk away. and as i go, i am slowly unravelling. exposing my tender center. exposing everything to the world. and in this process i think i may have realized that all the trees i have barked up in the past five years...have been all wrong. that dumb ass dog sense of mine may have thought they contained squirels or bears or whatever else things dogs bark at up trees, but i think i am sorely mistaken.

i need to find peace within myself. a sense of whole within my own consciousness. and that my friends starts today.