Going in the Front Door

Activism in the United States is at a standstill, for no good reason. Activism in the past has been about making change from the outside and when it stopped making progress no one started going to the inside. The inside is too dark...too sinister...too evil to toil with. So as a result, they remain outside of the system, making efforts to make change but to no avail.

So from this point forward, I am making a pact with myself. I will no longer be an activist through the back door, achieving nothing but the self-satisfaction of making some sort of fuss. I am taking myself and joining a variety of organizations that ACTUALLY mean something to the majority of the United States. I am starting with the PLC program that the Marines organize. After that, the CIA. Then who knows.

No more of this namby pamby stuff. I'm taking my brain, and my talents and putting them to good use.

Things Change

so i have realized that nothing last forever, everything is fleeting. my relationships with people, lives, dreams, hopes...they are all fleeting. yet i never realized this completely until today. today an acquaintance of mine had her mother die, she died at two o’clock pm on the 25th of february. i felt like i had an odd connection to this whole situation, like i was a part of it. which is stupid because i hardly know this girl let alone her mother. yet the entire day i was in a funk, one that nobody could remove me from. maybe it’s a coincidence or maybe it’s just the truth, maybe i am simply empathetic. who knows.

after mrs. rochester, the play that this girl was supposed to star in, opens next week. i feel oddly connected to the whole experience because my best friend is learning the part that the other woman was supposed to play. (the one with the deceased mother) so for the past few days i have been running lines with a very, very distraught friend of mine, hoping that everything will work out, that there will be no death. but here it is, the truth is out, her mother had died and i never knew her, yet i am so connected to her.

god, how i wish that i could forget this whole play and everything that happens within it, its so taxing; both emotionally and generally. i feel like i have internalized the entire play, each character and their quirks. theater makes you crazy, maybe that is why i gave it up so many years ago...who knows--who knows.

Noble Truths

Recently life has started to make sense. After my brief voyage in Kampuchea (Cambodia) I have realized that life is much more poignat than I ever though it could be. In all honesty I think that all there is to do is live. Maybe this is something that I should have understood long before today, but unfortunately that is not the case.

The first noble truth: Life is suffering. And how true it is, yet eliminating suffering is difficult but what has to be understood is that so much of our suffering is self-inflicted--I know that to be the case with me. If I let go of my desire then perhaps everything would make significantly more sense and be much less painful.

The other noble truth that I have discovered recently is that trying to please other people only leads to the further suffering. Perhaps the buddha never said specifically these words but in essence it is the case.

The creation of something fantastic

That is what this is...We can hope. But who knows.