12.22.2005

hello gayness.


You scored 13 Heterosexuality, 85 Homosexuality, and 13 Asexuality!
You are either gay or bisexual (preferring your own gender) with a moderate to high sex drive.



The higher your score in homosexuality, the more you are attracted to your own gender.



A higher asexuality score means that you place a bigger emphasis on the emotional aspects of a relationship and less on the physical.



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 5% on Heterosexuality
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You scored higher than 96% on Homosexuality
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You scored higher than 26% on Asexuality
Link: The 3-Variable Sexuality Spectrum Test written by kitsunechild on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

12.21.2005

recap post of 2005

this year i...

went to thailand in january where i met two amazing people in the guangzhou airport (china) and after the tsunami my travel companion decided to go join the two people we met in the airport instead. we ended up in cambodia, my home away from home, where we traveled all the way to siam reap to see ankor wat. we then ended up in vietnam with lots two students from galaudet university.

second semester is a blur. february was interesting. i took cold showers for three weeks after i got back to massachusetts. the culture shock was ridiculous, and being home was the worst thing ever.

march was a huge month. i officially broke things off with a love of my life. and i went to italy and france with my family. we travelled by car throughout the countryside of italy. when i returned home from italy, i was picked up at the airport by someone really important. we started dating again, after a brief stint of dating earlier in 2004....(not the person mentioned above). she wasn't ready. i wasn't ready.

april was hell month. the THESIS was due and i watched my new relationship fall into shambles. everything went wrong. i started chain smoking, drinking excessively, and tried to hide behind a mask and pretend to be happy. we broke up. (break up number two of the year)

may was similar. i finished the semester finally. i went home to colorado where i started to heal and become whole, all on my own, again. it was a rough month...but nothing in comparison to what was coming.

june was the begining of my summer internship with the summer theatre group. i have never worked so hard and been so loved and hated all at once. i was offered an amazing person's love and said no. i had my first roommate ever, and i didn't even hate it.

july i was offered love again but by my ex....another strange moment in my life. (break up three) the theatre kept going. i went into a darker place but had to keep my chin up. i realized i should have stayed home instead of doing the internship. i wasn't ready for the intensity of the place, but i think it was good for me.

august...the end of new century theatre. i said goodbye to analise, who i adore. i went to visit my grandmother at her summer house. i had the time of my life travelling across the country (TWICE!) with my mother. we went through canada, and some of the most boring countryside in the united states. (aka ohio, indiana) i asserted my independance and traveled to visit friends, by car, on my own. each scattered throughout the midwest. i went home. i started school again. i was a part of pre-orientation...i met you.

september. i dated HER. she turned my world upside down. i wasn't ready for what she had to show me. i wasn't ready to see myself the way she did. i couldn't do it. she was amazing. but i couldn't....and i wouldn't. my first smith theatre experience....i assistant stage managed and met m.lyons. who became one of my nearest and dearest friends. i met tay, who changed my life.

october. break up number four. random encounters. i went home to visit my grandmother. she died a few weeks later. i met ann. i couldn't let go.

november. another new century show. full time work. stress beyond my wildest imagination. more love. love here...love there...love everywhere. AH! thanksgiving at home with m.lyons. seeing my best friends, skiing. fun times.

december...finals, leaving for india. best grades i have ever had in my life. happiness...confusion. but happiness. travel is on the horrizon. new year on the horrizon. the L word season three starting. lots of reason to celebrate.

12.14.2005

i have said this quite a few times... but each time its a little closer to the truth. and as such, i am evern a bit closer now by saying--my life is falling into place. I am graduating in TWO semesters. I AM A SENIOR!!!! I am going to India, twice in the next year. Three in the next two years. I am going to go to graduate school eventually...I am going to have a life outside of my current existence. And that makes me really really happy.

Except that I feel exceedingly ill and horridly nauseated. Blah.

c'est la vie.

12.10.2005

i'm slowly coming to the realization, once again, that relationships and my life do not go hand in hand. i want to travel the world. i want to write. i want to be able to pick myself up and run to cambodia if i damn well please. i want to do the peace corps. i want to go to graduate school.

dating a significantly older (read: eleven years) woman is an eye-opening experience. she is smart, talented, creative, and settled. settled is the problem.

i don't want to settle. i want to have a resting place yes, but i want to be a world citizen and i want to have room to spread my wings.

i don't know if that is possible being in a relationship.

OOH!!! the good news....i am graduating from smith a semester early.

12.08.2005

exhausted

soooo....this whole idea of writing an honors thesis---bad one. i am so exhausted and I have now talked to the following professors.

jay garfield in the philosophy department
marilyn schuster in the women studies department
lisa armstrong in the women studies department
vicky spelman in the philosophy department
ravina agarwall in the anthropology department
peter gregory in the religion department
elliot fratkin in the anthropology department

each professor i speak to gives me another idea of another professor to approach. i kinda wanna gouge my eyes out of my head with a spoon.

oi.

exhaustion doesn't even cover it at this point.

12.05.2005

i just kicked ass in logic class. i feel like i am slowly thinking more clearly again.